


Love found me all disarmed

by mag_lex



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Eventual Romance, F/F, Light Angst, thasmin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-23
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-10-15 05:58:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17523182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mag_lex/pseuds/mag_lex
Summary: After a few months of travelling together, the Doctor takes Yaz to Renaissance Italy. Yaz is anxious at the prospect of spending time alone together, but things progress in a direction she never could have imagined.





	1. Firenze

**Author's Note:**

> I love this period of history but I'm no expert, so if there are any factual inaccuracies or points at which I've bent the truth a little, I'm sorry! I tried not to...

"Well...whaddaya think?"

The Doctor gestured to their surroundings with characteristic enthusiasm. Yaz squinted into the harsh light, feeling the baking heat starting to penetrate her clothing, and raised a hand to shield her eyes. As she adjusted to the strong sunshine, her frown was replaced with a wide smile. The Doctor grinned in response.

"Pretty awesome, isn't it?"

Truth be told, regardless of the surroundings, Yaz was a little apprehensive. This was the first time that she and the Doctor had truly spent any time alone together. Ryan and Graham had decided to stay in Sheffield for the time being, to properly deal with the aftermath of Grace's death. Although she obviously hadn't been as close with Ryan's Nan as either of the boys, Yaz still felt a pang in her chest when she thought about what had happened. The events of that evening had completely changed her life - as had the woman beside her.

That said, she still didn't quite know what to make of the Doctor. All she knew was that her energy was addictive; her knowledge and enthusiasm of and for the universe was completely and utterly captivating. The best likeness Yaz could think of was a drug, and try as she might to resist the pull, Yaz could only stay away for so long. Just standing near the Doctor made Yaz feel alive. Excited. But there was an undercurrent of the unknown, of the unfamiliar, and of something else that made Yaz's cheeks burn when she thought about it, late at night.

"It's...brilliant." Yaz realised she'd said the right thing when the Doctor positively beamed, her shoulders lifting slightly in relief.

All around them, people went about their business, shouting over one another as they bartered and haggled with sellers in the market and talking with friends. Yaz felt like she'd wandered onto some kind of medieval film set.

"The Italians are a very sociable bunch, always have been. Thought you might enjoy something a bit different, after..."

The Doctor trailed off.

"After?" Yaz prompted, unsure what the other woman was getting at.

"After the past few weeks," the Doctor finished. _She's worried about me,_ Yaz suddenly realised.

"Oh," she said, a little lost for words. This was unexpected.

The Doctor motioned for them to move to one side to make way for a passing donkey and cart.

"Sometimes, travelling with me can be overwhelming. Things happen fast, sometimes bad things, and sometimes things I can't stop from happening." The Doctor put her hands in her pockets, ducking her head. "But sometimes, amazing things can happen, too."

Yaz nodded. _Like you_. She decided not to voice this particular thought, sticking to safer territory.

"It's been a crazy few weeks," she admitted, tucking herself back against the wall as a burly man strolled past, heaving a huge bag of grain over his shoulders.

"But this - it's nice to see that some things never change," she said, gesturing to their bustling surroundings. As if on cue, a group of middle-aged men burst into good-natured laughter.

"Can't really go wrong with some nice weather, some great food, and, of course, some clever people to talk to. Not me, though: come on, there's someone I want you to meet," the Doctor said, grabbing hold of Yaz's hand and leading her off into the craziness of the market. At the contact of their palms, Yaz could have sworn she felt an electric current passing between them, and she became hyper-aware of where their skin was touching. She squeezed tighter as they weaved through the busy crowd, grateful for the excuse.

"So...Italy?" Yaz shouted, ducking past a man brandishing fresh fish.

"About..." The Doctor licked a finger and held it up in the breeze. "Sixteenth century. Perfect timing."

"For what?"

Her question remained unanswered because at that exact moment, someone in the crowd shouted.

"Doctor!"

Yaz almost dropped her hand in surprise. The Doctor whirled around, trying to find the source of the voice.

"Who-"

At once, her eyes lit up. "No way."

"Doctor, is that you?"

A young man was weaving his way through the crowd towards them, abandoning his group of friends, who watched with interest. Yaz found herself face to face a face that seemed somehow...familiar. His beard was trimmed just so, his nose was crooked, and his smile was infectious. Altogether not a stereotypically good-looking man, but there was something charming about his expression.

"Michelangelo? Well I never! Last time we met, you'd just finished working on that wonderful statue."

"David?" Michelangelo laughed, realising the Doctor was being coy, and Yaz could only try to stop her jaw from dropping. _Michelangelo. The Michelangelo_. Suddenly, she didn't trust herself to say a word. The Doctor, on the other hand, was in her element.

Noticing Yaz had gone quiet, the Doctor realised she'd failed to introduce her companion.

"Where are my manners? Yaz, meet my old friend Michelangelo. Michelangelo, meet Yasmin Khan, Sheffield's finest police officer." Yaz blushed instantly at the praise, which was directed towards a genius in his own right but yet expressed so sincerely that she had to believe it was true. The Doctor truly had a way with words.

"An honour, Yaz." His accent made her name sound somehow special, and Yaz found herself speechless under the intensity of his intelligent gaze. She nodded, dumbstruck.

"May I ask what you're doing here?" Michelangelo inquired, politely, unfazed by the non-response from Yaz. "Not that you are an unwelcome surprise."

"Well, my good friend Yaz was hoping to see some of your new works. She's a big fan. Right, Yaz?"

Yaz nodded again.

"It would be my pleasure." Michelangelo bowed deeply, and they made plans to meet the following morning to give Yaz a tour of his workshop.

The Doctor realised that her companion was slightly overwhelmed, and excused them on the pretence of an appointment they had to keep, tugging on their joined hands to lead them out of the busy square.

"Alright, Yaz?" The Doctor was grinning but she searched Yaz's face carefully as they found a quiet side street.

"More than alright," Yaz breathed, the reality of their situation sinking in. "We're here for the Renaissance?"

The Doctor nodded.

"The rebirth of culture. And we are right at the beating heart: Florence." The Doctor took the opportunity to turn on her heel, gesturing around her.

"I thought you might appreciate something more positive, more upbeat. No aliens, no imminent danger-"

"Doctor! You just tempted fate."

"Fate? Pah. We are the masters - well, mistresses - of our own destinies, Yasmin Khan. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. And what better way to experience this than to visit some of the greats. I need to introduce you to Leonardo da Vinci, next. He and Michelangelo don't really get on, though, so maybe don't tell him about that bit."

Yaz shook her head, bewildered.

"You know Leonardo da Vinci?"

"And Raphael," the Doctor beamed. "Come on, I'm starving, and all this culture needs a bit of sustenance to go along with it."

\----------

Yaz loved Italian food. Apart from her dad's dodgy pakoras, she could live on curries and family recipes handed down through generations, but give her a bowl of carbonara and she was one happy girl.

"Oh my god," she groaned, abandoning her fork at the side of her plate. They'd been eating for a solid half hour and the mound of pasta was getting no smaller. Helpfully, her wine glass was being topped up every few minutes, it seemed, which certainly helped with the mammoth effort of eating. She and the Doctor hadn't stopped talking about everything they'd seen that day, and Yaz found herself truly relaxing for the first time in weeks.

The Doctor was still twirling spaghetti around her fork, taking great pleasure in the way it refused to behave. "Whoever invented spaghetti was a masochist, and a genius."

"This has got to be the best pasta I've ever eaten." Yaz placed a hand on her stomach. She'd never felt as full, or content, in her life.

"You not going to finish that?" The Doctor asked, gesturing at Yaz's plate, eyes wide.

"Help yourself," Yaz said, pushing the food towards her friend. She had no idea where she put it all - the Doctor was in good shape, probably because of the endless energy she exuded. She watched as the Doctor helped herself to Yaz's leftovers, appetite unabated.

Yaz sighed in contentment as she took in their surroundings. It was late evening, but the restaurant was full - not that you'd know it, since she and the Doctor were tucked away behind some plant pots, with only a few dim candles for company. It was romantic. _Snap out of it, Yaz_.

She cleared her throat.

"So, Doctor? Not that I'm in any hurry to move, but where are we sleeping tonight?"

The Doctor paused, mid twirl. Yaz bit back a grin as she realised the thought hadn't even occurred to the other woman.

"Oh...that is a very good question." The Doctor quickly finished her mouthful and threw some cash on the rickety table. Yaz had no idea where it even came from, other than the depths of her coat pockets, and wondered if the Doctor carried currencies for every occasion.

"Hold on just a sec," she said, pointing a finger upwards for emphasis. Yaz chuckled as she watched her dash out of the restaurant on a mission. She knew the Doctor didn't really sleep and had assumed they would head back to the TARDIS, but obviously the alien had other plans in mind.

Ten minutes later she returned, triumphant. "Come on, then," she gestured out of the door, impatient for them to get moving. Yaz rolled to her feet, intrigued.

"I may have got us the last room in town, but it's a doozy."

Yaz tried to ignore the way her heart skipped a beat at the mention of room. Singular.

The Doctor was true to her word. She had indeed found them a room, in what seemed like the world's swankiest bed and breakfast. She flashed her psychic paper at the man behind the door and he swung it open for them with great ceremony.

"Says I'm a friend of the Medici's," the Doctor whispered. Yaz followed her down a dimly-lit, wood-panelled hallway. It smelled rich, and Yaz could just about make out several tapestries and paintings covering the walls. Their footsteps creaked on the floorboards as they climbed staircase after staircase, until they reached what Yaz presumed was the roof.

Sure enough, the room they entered opened onto a wide terrace at the top of the building. Yaz gasped as she saw the Duomo in the distance, barely discernible but distinctive nonetheless. There was no light pollution, so the backdrop was one of countless stars that grew brighter the longer they stood outside. The Doctor drew close beside her, and Yaz heard her sigh. They were standing close enough that she could feel the warmth of the other woman's body.

"It's beautiful," Yaz said, truly astonished at what the Doctor had found.

"Yes, it is." Yaz could have sworn the Doctor was gazing at her as she said it. She could feel her heart racing under that infinite sky. After countless minutes standing in comfortable silence and taking in the view, much as Yaz wanted to stay awake, she couldn't resist the yawn that broke out. It had been a long day, and dinner had made her incredibly sleepy.

"Come on, then," the Doctor urged. "Tomorrow is going to be a busy one, you need to rest."

Yaz admitted defeat and turned to face the contents of the room for the first time. One double bed. One chaise lounge. A desk. A wooden chair. How was this going to work?

The Doctor seemed to know exactly what she was thinking.

"I don't need to sleep, Yaz, so why don't you get ready for bed? I nipped back to the TARDIS to get you some things." The Doctor gestured vaguely towards the bed, where Yaz could make out some pyjamas, some fresh clothes, and her toothbrush.

"That's very kind of you, Doctor, thank you," she said, touched by her thoughtfulness. They hadn't reached a point in their friendship when physical contact was commonplace, aside from rare occasions of necessity, so Yaz reigned in her impulse to express gratitude with a hug. The Doctor seemed a little awkward about touching and as much as Yaz wanted to be tactile, she had to be careful. Besides, too much might give her away.

"Any time, Yaz," said the Doctor, and Yaz thought it might have been a trick of the light but she seemed to blush. 

"What are you going to do all night?"

"I thought I might just watch the sky," the Doctor sighed, looking upwards. Her tone was wistful, and Yaz felt a pang of something deep inside. She was unable to resist a brief comforting touch of the Doctor's shoulder as she crossed the room to change. With her back turned she felt even braver, stripping her t-shirt over her head before the Doctor could turn away. She could have sworn she heard the other woman squeak something about shooting stars, followed by the sound of retreating footsteps.

 


	2. Duomo

When Yaz woke the next morning, far too early thanks to a cockerel that sounded like it was inside the room, the Doctor was reading by candlelight. Yaz watched her through bleary eyes as she flicked through pages with a look of intense concentration, and giggled when the tip of her tongue emerged to complete the look. 

The Doctor dropped the book immediately. "Yaz! You're awake."

"What's that?" Yaz croaked, gesturing at the book. She was not a morning person and could only imagine the bird's nest her hair was in. This didn't seem to faze the Doctor, who gave her a warm smile. Yaz realised this was technically the first time they'd shared a room together, alone, and wondered if she had snored.

"Oh, nothing really, just some poetry." 

Yaz squinted as she read the spine. "Petrarch?"

"Hmm." The Doctor's reaction was oddly vague. Yaz made a mental note to Google the name later. 

"Ready for a tour of our friend's studio? He's an early riser, so he won't mind us turning up a bit early." Yaz remembered their plans for the day and the excitement got her out of bed quicker than the prospect of coffee. 

\----------

Their tour of Michelangelo's studio was awe-inspiring to say the least. Yaz had an artist friend but his workspace was nothing like the one they were visiting now. Emboldened, she started asking questions, encouraged by the Doctor's proud glances in her direction as she strolled alongside them.

"This might be a strange question, but...can I see your hands?" Yaz found Michelangelo incredibly easy to talk to and he was not bothered by the question at all, immediately holding his hands up for Yaz to inspect. 

"It's just...these hands. They do magical things but they look so...ordinary." Michelangelo chuckled. 

"I like your friend, Doctor, she is very complimentary!" 

"I knew you two would get along," the Doctor grinned. As they left, she kept quiet as Yaz talked and talked about what they'd seen. 

"And that painting at the back! Did you see it? Of course you saw it, how could you miss it. Sorry, Doctor, I just can't believe we did that!" 

Overcome with gratitude and excitement and several other emotions she didn't want to inspect too closely, Yaz felt emboldened. The Doctor was standing right next to her, their shoulders almost touching, so to bridge the gap into a hug seemed only natural. 

The Doctor froze in Yaz's arms for a second and Yaz tried not to panic, thinking of how she could style it out, no worries, when suddenly the taller woman relaxed. Yaz let out a contented sigh as she felt hands carefully reach up and rest on her shoulder blades. 

"I was wondering when I was going to get one of these," the Doctor murmured, not moving out of their loose embrace. Yaz felt her heart thumping within her chest at the contact she'd been longing to feel for weeks. Months, if she was honest.

"What do you mean?"

"A special hug from Yasmin Khan."

"Oh no, this is just a regular hug, nothing major-"

"That's not what I meant," the Doctor chuckled, the motion vibrating directly through Yaz. It felt nice. She finally pulled away and Yaz let her, somewhat reluctantly. 

"You have a way with it, is what I mean." The Doctor frowned. "No, that's not quite right either. You have a human touch?" She watched Yaz's face for recognition and found it. 

"Well, any time you're in need of that, you know where to find me."

They looked at each other for a few seconds, Yaz dying slightly at her choice of words, until the Doctor suddenly expressed an imminent need for breakfast and the moment was broken.

"The downside of not sleeping is that I curate a massive appetite when I'm not running around like a headless chicken," she explained.

Now that Yaz thought about it, this was the most relaxed she had seen the Doctor. Normally, she had to keep herself busy with TARDIS repairs or, you know, saving planets, but she was unusually calm today. It almost felt like they were on holiday together, not a time-travelling adventure.

Yaz tried not to think too closely about the latest developments in their budding friendship. The Doctor had taken her on a trip to Italy, where they were sharing a room, and had introduced her to Michelangelo. The time had passed easily and Yaz felt herself becoming more at ease with the other woman, which in turn made it harder to keep her innermost thoughts at a volume she could ignore. It was harder, without Ryan and Graham around to dilute the dynamic. Travelling together, just the two of them, left Yaz with nobody to hide behind.

\----------

As Yaz slept that night, the Doctor lay on the sum-warmed stone of their terrace, watching the stars. Even after many hundreds of years, the view never got boring. She liked to test her memory - and her eyesight - by looking for the more obscure constellations and reciting their component stars. As she stargazed, she found her mind wandering to the poetry she'd read that morning. 

_Love found me all disarmed and found the way_

_was clear to reach my heart down through the eyes_

_which have become the halls and doors of tears_

An oldie but a goodie, Petrarch. Something about reading that particular combination of words at that exact point in time had switched something in her mind, like a key in a lock. Precisely what it had opened, she had yet to figure out, but she mentally poked and prodded at it from all angles, tapping her boot heels on the ground as she worked on the problem. 

The Doctor found herself thinking of her companion, who was sound asleep and snoring lightly - which the Doctor found particularly endearing - and whether she had made the right decision to take her away from the others. It felt a little selfish, if she was honest, because the more time they spent together, the more time the Doctor wanted with Yaz. It was a positive feedback loop, reaching dizzying heights, to the point where collapse was surely imminent. She had to be careful. 

\----------

Yaz groaned as the morning chorus started. 

"Alright there, Yaz?" The Doctor was reading the same book as before. She obviously liked it because Yaz knew how quickly she could read and had never seen her read something more than once. Yaz smiled at her friend, who looked a little drawn. It was probably the light, or lack of it.

"Slept like a log. You sure you're not tired yet?"

Yaz frowned when the Doctor shook her head. She knew she did need sleep every now and again, if not as much as Yaz. 

"Nah, I'll catch up a bit when we're back on the TARDIS. Plenty to do before then, though! I have a plan for today, one I hope you'll like. I just need to get some things, why don't you get dressed and I'll be back in half an hour?"

Pushing her concerns to one side, Yaz grinned. She loved surprises, especially when the Doctor surprised her, which was frequently. 

An hour later, she was slightly less enthused, gasping for breath as she started climbing another set of stairs inside the Duomo. "Can we get some gelato after this? I need to cool down."

The Doctor's voice drifted up from behind. 

"Sorry Yaz, we're about a hundred years too early."

Yaz sighed, stopping for a minute to catch her breath. The Doctor caught up, also panting slightly. Yaz laughed. 

"We make a right pair. How many d'you think are left?"

The Doctor considered the question. "Do you really want to know? Cos I can actually tell you, but I don't think you'll like the answer."

Yaz shook her head. "Blissful ignorance it is, then," she said, resuming the climb. After a slightly hairy section of steps shaped around the curved dome, Yaz could see daylight illuminating a ladder to the roof. 

"We made it!" She turned and beamed at the Doctor, who was equally excited. 

"Just wait...this next bit is particularly awesome."

As they made it onto the tiny flat section of roof, Yaz felt her breath leave her lungs in a rush. They were so high. Florence lay spread out before them like a blanket, but all Yaz could sense was vertigo as the shape of the dome pulled her eyes downwards. 

"Whoah."

"Steady there, Yaz." The Doctor's voice was suddenly in her ear and Yaz felt her stomach drop at the sudden grasp of a strong arm around her waist, grounding her. 

The arm didn't let go as they stood on the roof in the early morning sunlight, watching the city wake up. Despite the height, Yaz felt completely safe with the Doctor holding onto her, and she drank it all in. It was a sight - and a moment - she would never forget. There had been many of these moments over the past few days and she felt a sudden urge to express her gratitude to the Doctor. She span around in her grip, not realising just how close they were, and flushed as she came face to face with the other woman. 

"Thank you," she said, numbly, lost for words at their proximity. She'd wanted to say more - so much more - but her nervous system was overwhelmed with information. For instance, she had never seen the Doctor's eyes up close and she found herself drawn to them instantly. They were very distracting eyes. 

The Doctor nodded. "Any time, Yaz," she said, softly. 

There was definitely a moment, then and there, when Yaz could have done something. The Doctor's gaze flitted to her lips, and Yaz felt a thrill rush through her. Before she could act, the Doctor suddenly pulled away and the moment was lost. 

"Sorry, Yaz, I didn't mean to get clingy."

"Not at all, Doctor, you were keeping me safe." Yaz was saddened by the sudden distance and the expression on the Doctor's face, like she had done something wrong. 

"You always keep me safe. And make sure I'm happy and fed and rested." Yaz reached a hand out and the Doctor, thankfully, took it. 

"So when I say thank you, Doctor, those words are never quite enough."

The Doctor ducked her head. It seemed she was unused to receiving acknowledgments like this. Finally, she squeezed Yaz's hand. 

"Coming from you, they are." 

Yaz smiled at her. The sunlight was making her hair even more radiant than usual and she looked truly beautiful. It took Yaz's breath away. 

The moment was interrupted by noise from below. Someone didn't sound particularly happy, and Yaz wondered if they'd found the stairs as difficult as she had. 

"Oh....whoops. We might need to get a shift on."

"Doctor?"

"I kind of snuck us in here..."

Thankfully, there were a different set of stairs to climb down and as they made it back to ground level they darted out of the cathedral, laughing in glee at their successful escape. They made their way towards the river, crossing the Ponte Vecchio and the many butcher shops that lined its sides. 

Yaz was relieved to get to the other side, and even more delighted when she realised what the Doctor had been up to that morning. After rummaging behind a bush for a few minutes, the Doctor magically produced a basket of food and wine. 

"Picnic?"

Yaz had to pinch herself. This was like the best date, ever. Except it wasn't a date.  _Was it?_

As they whiled away the next few hours, eating and talking, Yaz lost track of time completely. She had never felt so at ease, and couldn't believe she had been nervous at the prospect of them spending time alone together. Now, it was all she wanted to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can actually climb inside the Duomo, would 10/10 recommend


	3. Leonardo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And...here comes the angst.

That night, they got drunk with Leonardo da Vinci.

Well, Leonardo da Vinci and six of his closest friends, who insisted on hearing tales from the Doctor - who was more than happy to oblige. Yaz eagerly listened in with the rest of them, thoroughly enjoying the fact that the great man himself was as prone to a good yarn as anybody, Yaz included. She could have listened to the Doctor speak for hours, and she did. They finally left for their lodgings at 1am, after a couple of bottles of wine. Yaz was on a high, and giggled as the Doctor stumbled over her own feet. It was reassuring to know that even a well-seasoned traveller could still feel the effects of one too many glasses of wine.

"Oi, this is all your fault, you know," the Doctor grumbled, wagging a finger in Yaz's general direction. "You kept topping up my glass!"

Yaz was about to respond when she tripped over her own feet, saved by a surprisingly alert Doctor, who threw an arm around her waist. The Doctor heaved her upright, both of them laughing as they fell into each other clumsily.

"Everything's so spinny," she mumbled, trying to balance them both.

"Mmm," Yaz agreed, her eyes blearily focusing on the other woman as she held onto her arms for balance. Their laughter finally petered out but neither moved. In retrospect, Yaz knew this was the point when she should have walked away, brushed off the moment that seemed to suddenly exist between them. But as soon as she saw the Doctor glance at her lips, for the second time that day, she gambled.

The only warning she gave was to place a hand on the Doctor's wine-flushed cheek, before she leaned up and in. As first kisses went, it wasn't bad - if a little uncoordinated - and Yaz felt adrenaline rush through her veins as the Doctor started to respond, pulling her closer.

She placed her hands on the Doctor's waist, trying carefully not to move them the way she desperately wanted to. One of them, Yaz wasn't sure who, moaned, and suddenly they were separating, and there was a moment of calm in the quiet street.

"Yaz..."

Yaz shut her eyes for a moment of reprieve. She knew that tone. This was going to hurt.

She spoke before the Doctor could say any more.

"No, look, I'm sorry. That was a mistake. Too much wine, yeah?"

Yaz finally opened her eyes, putting a brave face on it as she faked a smile, secretly wishing the ground would swallow her up. She wished she'd kept them shut. The Doctor was looking at her with such a wretched expression that it made Yaz's heart ache, for both of them. For someone who'd been so talkative all evening, the Doctor was painfully quiet now.

"I can't - not like this." The Doctor's hands were back in her pockets, as if she was afraid of letting them loose. Yaz nodded sharply, feeling nauseous.

"I get it," she said, not really getting it at all, but knowing that the Doctor was the most complicated person she had ever met. This was never going to be easy. She was sure she'd seen the signs but this wouldn't be the first time she'd been mistaken. Besides, self-pity was an old friend; her walls were rebuilding as they spoke.

"Let's just pretend that never happened?" She hated how desperate she sounded, and didn't wait for the Doctor to respond, turning sharply on her heel and walking with as much dignity as she could muster, given the circumstances. If she could make it home without crying, she'd consider that a success. _Small victories_.

\----------

That damned cockerel woke Yaz up again. There were a few seconds of bliss - confusion, obliviousness - before the all-too-recent events came crashing back into her brain. The hangover didn't help how terrible she felt.

After a few moments of self-pity, she pushed herself up onto her elbows. There was no sign of the Doctor, which was something of a relief. She could still taste wine on her lips and absently raised a finger to them. Lips that had kissed the Doctor. _Oh god_.

It was only when she slumped back onto the pillows that she found a note in the Doctor's distinctive scrawl. With a pounding heart she opened it, dreading the contents. But they said nothing life-changing, only that the Doctor had gone to run some errands. Yaz decided to treat herself to a bath while she waited, hoping to calm her sudden nerves at the prospect of seeing the Doctor again. It turned out that running a bath in Renaissance Italy was a two person job, but the whole process helped Yaz take her mind off things. Besides, as apparent friends of the Medicis, the staff fell over themselves to help Yaz with her request.

She was still hiding in the bath when she heard the Doctor return.

"Yaz?"

"Just having a bath, Doctor." Yaz tried to sound as normal as possible but she could hear the hollowness in her own voice.

"I've brought you breakfast!"

Yaz couldn't help a small smile at the Doctor's chipper tone. The woman was as bad as Graham, thinking with her stomach. But she seemed a little too upbeat, like last night had never happened, and Yaz wondered if the Doctor had taken her final request literally. She herself wasn't quite ready to go back to being friends, though, and she geared herself up for their next conversation. The one where she asked to go home for a bit. Yaz couldn't believe she'd spoiled her wonderful memories of their time together, and it just compounded her misery.

When the wrinkles on her fingers had reached peak prune, Yaz realised she could put it off no longer. Wrapping herself in a towel, she took a glance in the antique mirror, frowning at the bags under her eyes. _Now or never._ For once, she didn't particularly care how she looked. The Doctor clearly wasn't interested.

The woman in question was lying on the bed, which stopped Yaz in her tracks. Of all the things she'd expected when she entered the room, this was certainly not it.

The book of poetry the Doctor had been reading the other day was propped open in one hand, but she put it down to look at Yaz, her eyes lingering on the towel that only just protected Yaz's modesty. Yaz could see her swallow, hard. Finally, she spoke.

"Petrarch was onto something. I wish I'd met him. Maybe I should."

Yaz frowned, and the Doctor gestured for her to join her on the bed, ending the stand-off. Yaz carefully eased herself onto the far end of it, self-conscious of the towel situation and also keen to put some distance between them. The Doctor seemed to realise what she was doing, judging from the crestfallen look that flashed across her face. Yaz was getting good at reading the Doctor - or so she had thought - because it was gone in a split second.

"I wasn't very fair to you, Yaz, last night."

Yaz could feel her face go red, and she fiddled with the edge of the towel, focusing on the fraying material.

"I'm a bit rusty, you see, and it took me a while to figure this one out. I had to ask some friends for advice," the Doctor admitted, and Yaz finally picked up on an undercurrent of nerves. She daren't even guess where this was going.

"I've been quite selfish. I thought that if you and I came here, had some time together, alone, I could package it up and move on. Because you deserve a normal life, Yasmin Khan. You deserve safety and security. All I can offer you is madness and uncertainty." The Doctor wiped impatiently at a tear that had escaped while she spoke.

Yaz stayed perfectly still, waiting as patiently as she could, and thoroughly confused. The Doctor obviously needed to work her way through something on her own terms, and the last thing Yaz wanted to do was spook her. The Doctor ran a thumb down the spine of the book in her hand.

"But you've touched my heart, Yaz. I tried not to let you, and I tried to ignore it, but I can't, I just can't," she exhaled shakily, and Yaz couldn't take it anymore. She moved closer, bringing her legs up onto the bed as she sat alongside the Doctor.

"Come here," she murmured, realising the other woman was trying hard not to cry. She was surprised, to say the least. The Doctor shuffled closer so that they were sitting side-by-side, relieved at the invitation.

"You know what they said?" the Doctor sniffed, "my friends?"

"Tell me."

"They said if I ever hurt you, they'd kill me. They were completely enthralled by you, and your questions, your passion for life. As am I."

Yaz sighed.

"Doctor, for someone so clever, you can be awfully slow sometimes. You bring that out in me. You make me brave and you let me be...well, me, silly questions and all. These people you've introduced to me here, your friends, they're geniuses. They're something special. As are you. I'm not sure what I was thinking last night," Yaz blushed, suddenly realising she believed exactly that. What had she been thinking? Why on earth would the Doctor be interested in someone as normal, as bog-standard as Yasmin Khan?

The Doctor frowned, reaching for Yaz's hand. "Last night...well, you were far braver than I would have been. You...you knew what you wanted, and you took it."

The Doctor gazed into Yaz's eyes and Yaz realised, finally, that she did actually want this. She just didn't know how to deal with it.

"Last night, you said-"

"Last night, I said 'not like this'. I didn't want you to regret it in the morning."

"You...what?" Yaz couldn't believe it.

"I realise now that I could have dealt with that better, yes," the Doctor admitted, and Yaz gave her a gentle shove on the shoulder, relieved. They were sitting so closely together that they could feel the nervous tension in each other's body.

"So you're saying?" Yaz refused to give her an easy way out after the anguish she'd caused, albeit unintentionally.

"I'm saying...I'm saying that I have as much to lose as you, Yaz." The Doctor looked her in the eye, refusing to back down this time. "I wanted to be sure."

"Oh...I'm sure," Yaz breathed, using her index finger to keep the Doctor's jaw in place. "Are you sure?"

The Doctor nodded, her eyes drifting towards Yaz's lips.

"Last chance," Yaz teased, wanting to hear the words come from the Doctor's own mouth.

"'M sure," she murmured, already closing her eyes as she leaned in to meet Yaz halfway.

This time, their first proper kiss was perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I try not to write angst as a general rule - I think the world is sh*t enough that I like to write fluff and general happiness when possible - but in my mind, Thirteen is insecure. She needed some persuading 🙂


	4. Amore

It turned out the Doctor really was tired. As they broke apart, Yaz could feel the tension leave her body completely as the Doctor rested her forehead against hers, eyes closed. Her cheeks were flushed, her lips swollen from kissing, and Yaz found it hard to resist kissing her again. It was her new favourite thing.   
  
"You okay?" She said instead.   
  
The Doctor nodded.   
  
"Relieved. So relieved. And happy. But also really, really tired," she admitted, and Yaz ran a soothing hand through her hair.   
  
"Don't take this the wrong way, but you do look like you need a nap."   
  
The Doctor sighed. "You might be right."  
  
"Why didn't you sleep, before?" Yaz asked, having a feeling she knew the answer.   
  
"The whole one bed, two people situation, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable," the Doctor shrugged.   
  
"That's very considerate of you, but now I really would like for you to get some rest. With me."  
  
In response, the Doctor stood up and started to remove her coat and boots, and Yaz diverted her eyes automatically. The Doctor chuckled as she noticed Yaz look away.   
  
"You don't have to do that, Yaz. You can look at me."  
  
Yaz could feel her blood pressure rise as the Doctor slipped her suspenders over her shoulders, untucking her shirts from her trousers. Thankfully the Doctor stopped removing clothes once she was down to her pants, which was bad enough for Yaz's attention span - the Doctor's long, strong legs were fully on show, and she daren't look upwards to where they met - but Yaz thought she might have had an aneurysm if her shirts had come off.   
  
Belatedly, Yaz realised she was still wrapped in a towel, and panicked. She'd been too busy watching to fix her own clothing dilemma. She didn't have the same confidence as the Doctor, but the other woman's quiet, gentle gaze helped put her at ease. So, as the Doctor eased under the covers, Yaz stood up, turned her back to the bed, and dropped the towel before she lost the nerve.   
  
She bit back a smile as she heard the Doctor's intake of breath behind her, throwing her pyjamas on as quickly as she could. Fully dressed, she turned back to see the Doctor watching her with rapt attention.   
  
"Sleep time, yeah?" Yaz was nervous, and the Doctor picked up on it instantly.  
  
"Of course, just sleep."  
  
The Doctor lifted the duvet and spread her arms, keen for Yaz to get close. Yaz filled the space easily, wrapping an arm around the Doctor's narrow waist instinctively and resting her head under her chin.   
  
"This is nice," the Doctor yawned, then she was out like a light. Yaz couldn't help a laugh at her approach to sleep, and chanced a look upwards.  _Yep, dead to the world_.   
  
She took the opportunity to watch the Doctor at rest. She never got to see her like this. Part of what drew her to the Doctor was her endless energy, her expressions, her animated manner. Seeing her sleep felt so intimate that Yaz had to look away, returning to her previous spot. As she listened to the dual thump of hearts under her ears, Yaz easily drifted off.   
  
\----------  
  
She woke to the feel of fingers gently combing through her hair. Her cheek was rising and falling gently with the Doctor's breathing, whose hearts were still gently thumping in Yaz's ear.   
  
Yaz tightened her hold on the waist beneath her and hummed in contentment.   
  
"Afternoon, beautiful."  
  
The Doctor sounded different. Good different, but different nonetheless. Yaz felt a wave of goosebumps tickle her skin.  
  
"Same to you," she mumbled sleepily. "Did you get some rest?"  
  
"Best in a long time. I reckon that had something to do with you," the Doctor murmured, hands stilling as Yaz moved to get comfortable.  
  
Yaz felt much better than she had earlier that morning and it had very little to do with the handover receding. She moved her leg over the Doctor's, settling so she could lie fully on top of her, and gazed upwards.  
  
They studied each other quietly in the golden afternoon light. The room was cool, but where their bodies met there was a heat that drove Yaz to distraction. She could feel the Doctor trying not to fidget and wondered if she felt as distracted by the way their bodies felt together.   
  
"I was a fool for trying to move past this," the Doctor said, eyes dancing as she looked at her companion.   
  
"Yes," Yaz nodded and laughed, and suddenly the Doctor was laughing too, and Yaz felt her heart fill with joy. Emboldened, she pushed herself upright, straddling the Doctor's legs. She stretched, watching the Doctor's eager eyes as they spotted an expanse of bare skin exposed by her movements. One of the Doctor's hands was there a second later, her palm warming the sensitive skin of Yaz's stomach. Yaz shivered at the simple touch, wanting more.   
  
Locking eyes with the Doctor, she reached down with both hands, stripping her pyjama top over her head. Suddenly bare to the room, Yaz didn't feel remotely self-conscious. The Doctor made her brave and the look on her face certainly helped - one of awe, and arousal. Yaz felt another hand on the other side of her waist, and slightly roughened palms slid their way up the sides of her stomach, up towards the swell of her breasts.   
  
"Can I?" The Doctor said, eyes wide.   
  
"You can do whatever you want with me," Yaz said, breathless, in thrall to the power her body had over the Doctor.   
  
"We could be here a while, then," the Doctor said, and Yaz let out a laugh that was quickly replaced by a moan as the Doctor's clever hands caressed the weight of her breasts, thumbs passing over her nipples until they were erect and begging for more attention. The Doctor obliged, raising her head to capture one in her mouth, then the other, her talented tongue working Yaz into a complete and utter state.   
  
For her part, all Yaz could do was moan in approval, her hand clutching the Doctor's head to her chest as she felt the other woman's mouth on her for the first time. It felt incredible, and Yaz could only imagine how that tongue was going to feel between her legs. The thought brought on a rush of wetness, and Yaz groaned at the fire that ignited in her belly.   
  
She felt the Doctor smile against her skin, her eyes closed as she focused on making Yaz feel good. Before long, though, Yaz grew impatient, pulling away from the Doctor.   
  
"What's wrong?" The Doctor gasped, eyes half-lidded as the looked up at Yaz.  
  
"You're too good at that," Yaz groaned. "I need your talents elsewhere." She punctuated her statement with a grind of her hips and the Doctor grinned.   
  
"Patience, Yaz, I was just getting there."  
  
"Sometime in the next five minutes would be ideal," Yaz gasped, desperate for some relief of the ache between her legs.   
  
"In that case...budge over and get comfortable," said the Doctor, urging Yaz off her lap and onto her back. Slowly, she pulled Yaz's pyjama shorts off, revealing nothing but bare skin. She spread Yaz's legs gently, lying on her stomach between them. The intimacy of it took Yaz's breath away, and the gentle sunlight suffused the room to the point where it all seemed like one glorious dream.  _This couldn't be real_.   
  
But it was all too real when Yaz felt the Doctor trace her opening with her tongue.   
  
"Oh my god." She grasped the sheets, trying to keep her hips still as the Doctor mapped every peak and valley, learning her.   
  
She felt the Doctor place a hand on her stomach as if to settle her, as she worked her way upwards with her mouth to the bundle of nerves that was crying out for attention. Yaz could feel her arousal guiding her path, but the touch of the Doctor's lips on her most sensitive skin felt amazing. Her mouth opened in a wordless cry as those lips finally fastened around her clit, the gentle pressure releasing another flood of wetness. Distantly, she could feel the Doctor run a finger through it, underneath her mouth, and then there was the gentle pressure of that same finger starting to push inside.   
  
"Yes, please, Doctor. Please."  
  
The Doctor slid into her with ease and Yaz weaved a hand through her blonde hair, pulling slightly in encouragement.   
  
"That's it," she moaned, slightly overwhelmed at the feeling of the Doctor inside her. The tongue on her clit was gently flickering over the bud, encouraging Yaz to move her hips as the finger inside started to move slowly, in and out, letting her get used to the feeling of penetration.   
  
"You're so good," she whispered, feeling a shudder between her legs as the Doctor reacted to her words. For her part, the Doctor was moaning softly, mouth busy but unable to keep quiet as Yaz made the most amazing sounds beneath her. Going down on a woman was always something the Doctor had found pleasurable, but there was something about doing it as a woman herself that made it feel much more erotic. Perhaps it was the anticipation of how this would feel to her, since she hadn't yet experienced this, that made her senses heightened. Or perhaps it was because she was between the legs of Yasmin Khan, who had managed to work her way into the Doctor's heart so deeply that all the Doctor wanted to do was bring her happiness. This seemed to be one very effective way of doing so.   
  
"More," Yaz groaned, and the Doctor could only oblige as she switched out her middle finger for her index finger for a couple of gentle thrusts, before gently easing them both in at once. Yaz's back arched off the bed at the stretch.   
  
"Fuck, that's it."  
  
The Doctor returned her mouth to work as she started to pick up the pace, her gently pumping fingers turning into harder thrusts as Yaz responded eagerly. The Doctor could feel Yaz's legs straining around her ears as she worked her way up to climax, the sounds falling from her mouth turning into one long stream of thought.   
  
"That's it, right there, right there and I'll come," Yaz gasped, the pleasant burn of the fingers inside her making her feel so full, and the wicked tongue caressing her clit making her feel so loved.   
  
The Doctor sealed her lips tight and sucked, pushing up into Yaz at the same moment, hard, and Yaz knew she was done for. "I'm gonna-"  
  
She could barely finish the sentence before the wave of pleasure spiralled out, her body juddering as it was finally overwhelmed. The Doctor eased off, finally removing her fingers as Yaz shuddered, boneless and breathless.   
  
"That....was....incredible," Yaz panted, tugging the Doctor upwards until she was lying on top of her in a reversal of their positions that morning.   
  
"Yeah?" The Doctor grinned, her hair a complete mess, Yaz's arousal painting her lips.   
  
"Yeah," Yaz smiled, pulling her down for a messy kiss.  
  
"I can't wait to see what you taste like," Yaz murmured as they separated, breathless. The Doctor flushed.   
  
"I have no idea. Nobody's ever, y'know, gone there."  
  
Realisation dawned.   
  
"Of course," Yaz breathed. "Did you want me to?"  
  
She swallowed a chuckle when the Doctor nodded rapidly in response. "It seems like fun."  
  
"Oh, it definitely is. Now, lie back and let me take care of you," Yaz grinned, almost predatory as the braced herself over the Doctor's prone body.   
  
"First things first, we need to get you out of these clothes."  
  
The Doctor helped Yaz strip off her final layers, but despite her apparent bravado, Yaz could tell she was unsure of what to make of her new body in this context.  
  
"You...are...beautiful," Yaz whispered in between kisses down the Doctor's neck and collarbones. She wasn't lying - Yaz was almost overcome by the momentous occasion but knew she had to try and keep her cool.   
  
"Are you okay with this?" She looked up, smiling as the Doctor nodded. "Tell me if there's anything you don't like, okay?"  
  
Both Yaz and the Doctor soon discovered that her breasts were incredibly sensitive, and Yaz nearly found herself on the floor after she brought her mouth into the equation.   
  
"Sorry, Yaz," the Doctor gasped, feeling slightly overwhelmed by the new sensations.   
  
"You're alright, love," Yaz said, blushing when she realised what she'd said. "This must all be a bit strange."  
  
The Doctor bit her lip, considering the comment.   
  
"Yes and no. The one person I trust with this is you."  
  
Yaz moved back up to kiss the Doctor, feeling the pressure abate somewhat. As they kissed, Yaz let her hand come to rest between the Doctor's legs, soothing her with her tongue as her fingers did just the opposite.   
  
"I see why you liked this so much," the Doctor breathed, and Yaz delighted in the feel of her arousal underneath her fingertips.   
  
"Maybe we could start off slow, y'know? Oral might be a bit much this time."  
  
"But next time?" The Doctor's ears burned red.   
  
"Next time, no holds barred," Yaz promised, looking the Doctor in the eye as she started to trace circles around her clit with her finger.   
  
"Oh," the Doctor stiffened. "That really is something."  
  
"Just you wait," Yaz murmured into her ear, as she started to pick up the pace. Unsurprisingly, it didn't take long for the Doctor to come, and Yaz gave her a reprieve to recover from the new sensations before moving her hand downwards, a tentative finger exploring her entrance.   
  
"How about this?" She asked, and the Doctor groaned in response, her hand reaching down to boldly help guide Yaz's finger inside. Yaz moved slowly, not sure what to expect; the Doctor was incredibly tight.   
  
"Okay?"   
  
The Doctor nodded, eyes closed in concentration. Yaz ducked her head, taking a sensitive nipple into her mouth as she started to slowly move. She could hear the noise her hand was making in the quiet room, the only other noises being the Doctor's gasps and moans as they started to move together.  
  
"Ohhh Yaz, that feels so good." Her head was tossing and turning on the pillow, and Yaz tried to remember her first time. It definitely wasn't as satisfying as this, but she remembered how overwhelming it had been to feel someone inside her for the first time.  
  
"Do you think you could take my mouth at the same time?" Yaz asked, not wanting to push too hard but aware that it might help. The Doctor nodded jerkily, nervous but excited at the prospect.   
  
Yaz moved her way downwards, keeping her hand still as she adjusted to the new position. The Doctor was bare in front of her, almost glistening in the sunlight, and Yaz licked her lips in anticipation. She looked upwards to see something that could have come straight out of Michelangelo's paintings, and felt her heart soar at the sight. She would never forget the image of the Doctor looking this beautiful or aroused, naked and writhing under Yaz's touch.   
  
She lowered her mouth, tasting the Doctor for the first time as she started carefully moving inside her again. Thighs clamped shut over her ears, muffling the loud groan she invoked from the Doctor.   
  
"Beautiful, Yaz, that is.... beautiful."  
  
Yaz had to agree as she focused on eating the Doctor out, memorising every second. She was surrounded by the other woman - touch, smell, taste, sound, sight - all her senses were alive. She felt the muscles around her finger starting to tighten more as the thighs around her ears started to clench, too, and she focused on working at the Doctor's clit with her tongue.   
  
It was getting harder and harder to move her hand when the Doctor finally went stiff, almost shrieking into the pillow as she shuddered through an orgasm. Yaz could feel her inner walls fluttering around her finger, and she could only ease her through it in awe at what she'd managed to induce.  
  
Yaz absently wiped her mouth with the back of her hand, suddenly in need of more contact with the Doctor. The contact of their skin was calming this time around, and Yaz urged the Doctor's head onto her chest, caressing her hair as she caught her breath.   
  
"I have no idea what I was so scared of," the Doctor breathed, and Yaz was unsure whether she was referring to the sex or to the idea of them together. She said as much.   
  
"Not that you're a scary person, Yaz, but the idea of you and me, together, it terrified me. I think it still does, maybe. Is that weird?"  
  
"Not at all, Doctor. I was scared, too. I think I knew within the first moments of knowing you that this is what I wanted."  
  
The Doctor nodded, and Yaz breathed a sigh of relief.  _It wasn't just me imagining things_.  
  
"I kept thinking I would ruin things if I did anything about it," the Doctor admitted, looking up at Yaz. "The safest thing to do, the thing that would keep you safest of all, was not to say anything."  
  
"I get that, I do. But you said it yourself, Doctor. We are the masters of our own fates. And I just had this feeling that you were mine."   
  
The Doctor seemed flummoxed by the weight of Yaz's words. Yaz panicked.  
  
"Look at me, rambling away, I should really learn to be quiet," she backtracked, before the Doctor cut her off with a kiss.   
  
"No, no, Yaz, my Yaz, you really are something magnificent. I just...I wish I had been braver. All this time, lost."  
  
"You're the bravest person I've ever met, Doctor. And selfless - you'll sacrifice your own happiness for someone else. No more of that, eh?" Yaz held the Doctor's face in her hands, driving her point home. Unable to look away, the Doctor acceded.  
  
"Now, since we haven't technically got any plans for the rest of the day, I say we make up for that lost time," said Yaz, kissing the Doctor passionately as the other woman took the hint and rolled Yaz onto her back.   
  
"You really are wise, Yasmin Khan," said the Doctor, before tickling Yaz's ribs until she giggled at her silliness. The sound carried into the world outside their window, which ceased to exist for the next few hours, forgotten in a tangle of sheets and limbs and love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of course it had to end with some smut. 
> 
> I just wanted to say a big BIG thank you to the lovely folks who commented on this, it really kept me going! I hope you've enjoyed the end to this particular story. Til next time...


End file.
